Understanding the Function of Behaviour and the Needs Behind It

Have you ever watched your child melt down, run away, lash out, or shut down and thought, “What is happening right now?”

You’re not alone. In moments like this, it’s easy to focus on stopping the behaviour — but what if we paused to ask what that behaviour was trying to say?

Because here’s the truth:
👉 All behaviour is communication.

Whether your child is refusing to put their shoes on, yelling in frustration, or zoning out in class — there’s always a reason. Understanding that reason is the key to reducing challenging behaviours and building trust, skills, and emotional safety.

Let’s explore that together.

💬 What is the Function of Behaviour?

In Positive Behaviour Support (PBS), we use the term “function of behaviour” to describe what a behaviour is helping the child do. It's not about attention-seeking for the sake of it — it's about needs seeking.

Most behaviours serve one or more of these four functions:

1. Escape / Avoidance

What it looks like: Running away, refusal, hiding, shutdowns, aggression
What it’s saying:

• “This is too hard.”

• “I don’t understand.”

• “I’m scared I’ll fail.”

• “I can’t cope with this right now.”

🧠 Children often try to avoid tasks, people, or situations that feel overwhelming, unpredictable, or painful — emotionally, cognitively, or physically.

2. Attention

What it looks like: Interrupting, yelling, being silly, escalating when ignored
What it’s saying:

• “See me.”

• “I want connection.”

• “Please notice me.”

• “I need reassurance that I matter.”

🧠 This isn’t manipulative — it’s human. Connection is a biological need. Many children don’t yet know how to ask for it appropriately, especially if they’ve felt unseen before.

3. Tangible / Access

What it looks like: Tantrums when denied, grabbing, intense focus on objects or activities
What it’s saying:

• “I really want that thing.”

• “I don’t know how to wait.”

• “I feel powerless when I don’t get what I want.”

🧠 This function often shows up when children haven’t yet developed impulse control or the skills to delay gratification — which is very normal developmentally.

4. Sensory / Regulation

What it looks like: Fidgeting, crashing, zoning out, flapping, humming, covering ears
What it’s saying:

• “My body needs movement.”

• “I’m overwhelmed.”

• “I’m trying to feel just right.”

🧠 These behaviours help the child regulate their nervous system — to feel calmer, more alert, or more comfortable in their environment.

🔍 Underneath the Function: What Are the Needs?

Each function is tied to real, valid needs. When we respond to the need, the behaviour often reduces over time. Here’s how the puzzle pieces fit together:

💡 What Can I Do as a Parent?

Understanding is just the first step — here’s how to use this insight in real life:

✔️ Get Curious, Not Furious

Instead of: “Why are you doing this again?!”
Try: “What’s this behaviour trying to tell me?”

✔️ Track Patterns

Notice what happens before and after the behaviour. Is there a trigger? A need going unmet?

✔️ Teach Replacement Behaviours

Help your child express what they need in a safe, appropriate way. For example:

• “You can say, ‘I need a break.’”

• “Tap me if you need help instead of yelling.”

• “Let’s make a plan for when you want that toy.”

✔️ Offer Structure, Choice & Predictability

When the world feels chaotic to a child, consistency and options restore their sense of control.

❤️ The Bottom Line

Your child isn’t giving you a hard time — they’re having a hard time.
And when you understand the function of their behaviour and the needs underneath, you become a guide instead of a referee.

Because behind every meltdown, every refusal, every unexpected behaviour…
is a child saying, “Help me feel safe. Help me feel understood. Help me feel okay.”

And when we respond with support instead of shame, we don’t just reduce behaviours — we raise resilient, connected humans.